Haunting Days
by Hyper Princess
Summary: OOTP SPOILER WARNING!What if ghosts got a chance to come back and haunt whomever they wanted for one day?What if the person who died in the fifth book decided to pay Old Voldemort a little....visit?Chaos enues!!Inspiration: 50 ways to Annoy LordVoldemort


AN: I just got this idea at 3 AM for this fic and reeeeeally wanted to write it!!! This has OOTP spoilers but is defiantly AU! Wells, here I go!!!! This fic is dedicated in memory of my dear Sirius! *Sniffle* I MISS U!!! I got the idea for this fic from www.mugglenet.com . I was reading the list of 50 ways to annoy the Dark Lord when it came to me. The list was submitted to the site by Kunal but the original author of it is unknown.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the list of 50 ways to Annoy Voldemort  
  
Sirius Black was bored. He had been dead for a few months now. Not that it hadn't been great having Prongs and Lily back, but dead life was boring! Everyone up here was so...serious! And you couldn't have any fun either! They expected him to be an angel!   
  
He was in the middle of his daily chasing of the college cheerleaders who's bus had crashed when Prongs pulled him into a closet that had magically appeared there.  
  
"Just a little kinky eh Prongs?" Sirius grinned wagging his eyebrows. James laughed and rolled his eyes.  
  
"Fine Padfoot, if you don't want to know about Haunting days that's fine by me." James said reached for the door handle.  
  
"Haunting what?" Sirius asked confused.  
  
James looked thoughtful for a moment then shook his head. "Nah, never mind."  
  
"Awwww come on Prongs!! You've got me hooked!! Now reel me in and spill!!" Sirius whined blocking the door.  
  
James sighed, "Fine. Well, once every five years, those of us up here get a haunting day. We get to pick someone we want to haunt for one day and they can't do anything about it! Of course they won't remember anything about it. It will be like the day never existed! You can do whatever you want to the person except kill them of course. I completely forgot to tell you about it until a few minutes ago! Haunting Day is tomorrow so you'd better pick who you want to haunt! I'm going for Snape again! Payback for what he's done to Harry all these years! Lily mentioned something about making Petunia sorry for making her son live in a cupboard for 11 years." James grinned as Sirius's trademark mischievous grin spread onto his face as his eyes lit up. "If I didn't know any better Padfoot, I'd say you just got a brilliant idea." James laughed.  
  
"I think its time to pay our little Dark Lord a visit." Sirius never looked happier in his life...er....death that is.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Haunting Day 12:01~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sirius had been staring at the big clock for about three hours now. It now read 12:01. He grinned and transported himself to The Riddle House, headquarters of the Dark Army. He was going to have fun today. He spent all day yesterday figuring out just what to do to him. He apparated into The Dark Lord's bedchambers to begin his fun. He pulled a magic parker out of his robe pocket and drew Potter-style glasses on Voldemort's face. He snickered a little and then went to stat his next trick. He aparated out of the bedroom and decided to play a little knock and run first.  
  
Sirius ran down the halls knocking on every door and stopped in front of the Dark Lord's door. He kicked, slammed; ad kicked the door successfully waking him up and sped around the corner out of sight. When the Dark Lord threw his door open furiously looking around, Sirius decided to start again. In a big booming voice, he echoed throughout the hall.  
  
"Hey there Tommy-boy!! Excuse me? Do you have any Grey Poupon? Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!" Voldemort searched frantically for this voice and quickly withdrew his wand from his robe pocket.  
  
"Awww! Look! Voldie-poo's got a twiggle!!" Sirius giggled shrilly as he set a party popper off in his face. Voldemort shot curses at the blasted thing, destroying many chunks of the hallway but still having no idea of his attacker.   
  
Voldemort was getting pissed now. Who would dare mock the Dark Lord?!?! Sirius only took his angered face as more encouragement. He decided to put the booming voice back to work.  
  
"PU! When is the last time you had a bath Voldie-poo? 1784?" Voldemort looked livid by now. He was still frantically searching for the source of the voice. Sirius cast an invisibility charm on himself and ran up to the Dark Lord, pinching him causing him to squeal at the sudden contact. Sirius ducked into his hiding spot, cast a silencing charm and doubled over laughing. This was too much fun! And it had only just begun too! He still has 23 hours and 45 minutes to torture him! After controlling his fit of laughter, he removed the silencing charm and decided to strike again. The fun booming voice was replaced this time by a feminine teenage hyper type voice.  
  
"Hey what is with that Dark Mark anyway? It is SO 50 years ago!! Can't you have something more socially acceptable? Like that scar Harry Potter has! Oh that is so cool! Hey, why don't you have a cool scar? Oh and while we are on that subject, who the hell picks Quirrel to be their host? I mean come ON! Like he could carry out any cunning plans! Though I've seen chunks of cheese with more cunning plans that you I might add. Then again, it seems you are the only person on the plant who is NEVER going to triumph." The look on Voldmort's face sent Sirius into peals of laughter (only after a well placed silencing charm of course.) Sirius spent so much time laughing Voldemort gave up and went back to bed. Sirius was disappointed until an idea struck him. He rubbed his head from where he was struck, removed the invisibility charm, and aparated back into his bed chambers. Voldemort's eyes bugged out at the ghost in front of him.   
  
"Heya man-who-let-the-boy-live!! How ya doin?" Sirius grinned. Before Voldemort could come out of his stupor, Sirius had shouted "GONE!" and apparated out. He then reappeared shouting "HERE" and repeated the cycle for the next 45 minutes.  
  
*Poof* "GONE!"  
  
*Poof* "HERE!"  
  
*Poof* "GONE!"  
  
*Poof* "HERE!"  
  
*Poof* "GONE!"  
  
*Poof* "HERE!"  
  
*Poof* "GONE!"  
  
*Poof* "HERE!"  
  
*Poof* "GONE!"  
  
*Poof* "HERE!"  
  
"ENOUGH ALREADY BLACK!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE" Voldemort screamed so loud it echoed through out the room.  
  
"Happy Haunting Day!! I get to spend the whooooole day with my favorite Dark Lord and bug the hell out of you!! And you can't do a thing about it!!" Sirius was having the time of his death! And the sun wasn't even up yet! "So I had suggest you do whatever I want or I will be your worst nightmare!" Voldemort was certainly not enthralled by this news. Bellatrix had just gotten rid of Black and now he had to put up with him again! For a whole day! He called in some of his newer recruits and started cursing them and shooting Avada Kedavras at inanimate objects. Once he had gotten all of his anger of the situation out he turned to black who was staring at him longingly.  
  
"You know you really shouldn't keep all of your anger in like that. You should really try the 12-step program (baby steps) for Evil Overlords - Evil Overlords Anonymous. I hear they are quite good. Cured Professor Dumbledore's twisted sister in a snap! Or maybe a good yoga class! That should be sure to mend your wicked ways!" Sirius suggested still staring longingly at the Dark Lord . "Or you could try this." Sirius said throwing him a stress ball.   
  
Voldemort was beginning to get very uncomfortable. Why was Black staring at him like he wanted to jump him right on the spot and have his way with him? Black just sat there and stared. "WILL YOU QUIT WITH THE STARING ALREADY?!?!?!"  
  
Sirius ignored him, "Have you EVER had a girlfriend?" he asked curiously. Voldemort looked absolutely furious! How dare he! He looked back at Black again to find him rummaging through his droor. "Hey Tommy-boy, you got a deck of cards in here? I'm bored-Ooh! What's this? A diary?" Sirius asked intrigued flipping the book open.  
  
"Don't be silly Black, that is my 'Book of Mischievous Schemes'. And give it back!!" Voldemort demanded as Sirius whipped out a quill and started making spelling corrections. He grimaced as he scribbled frantically. "I hope your not married to any of this." He muttered until Voldemort snatched the book from him and threw a deck of cards at his forehead. "There! Go play solitaire and let me sleep!"  
  
"Nuh Uh!" Sirius pouted dragging Voldemort to the table. After an hour of arguing, Voldemort slumped down into the chair and played poker with Sirius.  
  
"You know you have the WORST poker face! How do you expect to rule supreme without a good poker face?!?!" Sirius complained popping his bubble gum yet again. ((AN: NO, not chewing, POPPING!....hehe lolls sowwie, too much Chicago...CELL BLOCK TANGO RULES...lolls sowwie, back to the fic!)) He continued to pop it every five seconds and kept blowing bubbles in the Dark Lord's face. After the poker games, Sirius then proceeded to continuously dance the funky chicken while singing "Mr. Tambourine Man", effectively getting it stuck in Voldemort's head, causing him to tie Sirius to the chair next to his wardrobe. Sirius stretched his arm out and took out two socks from the wardrobe and then put on a puppet show re-enacting all of Harry's victories over him and throwing in many childish squeaky voices. The Dark Lord groaned shaking his head in his hands, wishing this torture would end or at least wishing for sleep to come.   
  
Sirius saw his distress and proceeded to try and teach him how to play the mouth organ and spit tobacco. This was the last straw for Voldemort. He cast a silencing charm on the room and went to sleep. Unfortunately it took Sirius the rest of the night to figure out how to break the silencing charm and once he did, he went to wake up his guinea pig!  
  
He started by singing Aretha Franklin's song "I Will Survive" in his ear and once he saw he was waking up, he finished the current round of the song and stopped singing. As Voldemort cracked open an eye, scared at what he would see. Sirius put his face inches from the Dark Lord, "My sir! Don't we look particularly menacing today? Actually, scratch that....you looked better under the Turban." Sirius smiled.  
  
"Out of my way Black. I need to call my supporters to me to see their progress." Voldemort shoved Sirius out of the way. It took forever to call everyone to the main chamber, as Sirius kept slapping him every five seconds and shouting "MOSQUITO!". Once everyone had been called, the two made their way to the main chamber. Sirius ran ahead and burst into the room first.  
  
"DUN DUN DUN DUN!" he shouted in a fake trumpet voice. "PRESENTING!!! The Evil, Grumpy, Notorious Lord Voldemort! DUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNU" he shouted adding a fake drum roll at the end. Once the meeting had started, Sirius got quite bored so he started making a good behavior chart of the death eaters using little gold stars to mark their good behaviors and awarding points. When the Dark Lord started explaining the scheme he was currently working on, Sirius wouldn't stop adding in "Its your, funeral." Or "You're the boos, boss." Sarcastically.   
  
Once he began listening into the plan, it seemed this one was actually well thought out! It would probably work! Sirius wiped a tear from his eye and proceeded to let everyone in the room know, "I taught him everything he knows." The plan was so simple! "Its like taking candy from a baby!" Sirius proclaimed out loud. "Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others." Sirius exclaimed staring fixatedly at Voldemort.  
  
Meanwhile, Voldemort was desperately trying to pretend Sirius did not exist. The death eaters didn't dare question him seeing the Dark Lord's mood. As the meeting droned on, Sirius got quite bored again and saw Voldemort's pet snake slithering in the corner. He snuck away and killed it, cooked it, and began eating it. Once he was full, he walked back to the Dark Lord and offered him a bite. Voldemort once again ignored him and pretended he did not exist.   
  
Sirius was about ready to fall asleep until Wormtail came stumbling in. Very late. "F-forgive me my master. For I have failed you yet again. The Potter boy has foiled your plans once again. Who knew he had such a great right hook?" Wormtail spat out, never looking up from the ground while subconsciously rubbing the bruise on his jaw.   
  
Voldemort was so overly stressed out, he completely forgot about punishing Wormtail and proceeded to bang his head against the wall. Now he had to come up with a new flawless scheme! Sirius tried to cheer him up by patting him on the head and giving him flowers, but this only made him bang his head harder. The Death Eaters were shocked by their master.   
  
"Aww come on Voldie! Think Happy Thoughts! Here! Try this!" Sirius began to twiddle his fingers, lean back and say, "Eeeexcellent". Voldemort was appalled. He stopped banging his head against the wall and tried to concentrate on thinking up a new scheme. He was once again having 'Evil-Potter's Block!'. Sirius whispered "Winguardium Leviosa" and levitated a light bulb to hover over his head and turned it on, trying to cheer him up. He was no fun to tease if he didn't get pissed off. When he received a glare, he muttered that he thought he was helping and went back to his chair, looking offended.  
  
Sirius got quite bored again and noticed the Death Eaters were quiet distracted. He grinned mischievously and cast "Imperio" on them, causing them to burst into a rousing chorus of "All Things Bright and Beautiful." This was the last straw. Voldemort ended the meeting and retired to his bedchambers. Sirius of course followed, harassing him with questions the entire way. "What is UP with your middle name anyway? I mean, MARVOLO? What is that, some kind of detergent or something?" he proclaimed once the reached his bed chambers. Sirius once again hopped in front of him and announced him formally to the empty room with the fake trumpet and drum noises as well. Voldemort's reaction was not one he had expected at all.  
  
The Dark Lord was broken. The Great Sirius Black had broken him. He had collapsed into a chair and began rambling about what caused him to become who he is. Sirius only half listened occasionally shooting a sarcastic comment like, "You're breakin' my little heart here, dark one." Once Voldemort's mental breakdown was over, Sirius resumed with his torture. He started drawing outlandish parallels between Voldemort's life story and 'Star Wars', talking a great deal. Voldemort slipped into a stupor. When he noticed the Dark Lord's face light up with glee, he knew something was amiss. He looked down to see himself fading away and realized Haunting Day must be ending. Voldemort happily hopped over to his bed to get some much-needed sleep. Just before he floated back up to heaven, Sirius pulled one last prank, which happened to stay because Haunting Day was officially over.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Next Morning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lord Voldemort had just dreamt of a diabolical scheme to out-do all of the rest. He quickly called a meeting of his death eaters. When he entered the room, the crowd burst into peals of laughter. Knowing something was wrong as half were pointing at his face, he conjured a mirror and let out a blood curdling scream at the sight he saw.  
  
Around his eyes, drawn in permanent marker, were Potter's style glasses.   
  
  
  
AN: Wells everyone....it is 6 and a half hours past my bed time so I'm outie!! Please leave me a review and tell me what you think!!!  
  
Hugs all!!  
  
Hyper Princess 


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